SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women
Wednesday, September 2, 2020
Tuesday, September 1, 2020
Random Status Updates
Man, if gas prices get much higher, it’s going to be cheaper to snort cocaine and run everywhere
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Sing like you don't need the money; love like you'll never get hurt; dance like there's nobody watching; email like it may one day be read aloud in a deposition.
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Important Safety Tip: If you name your dog “Shark,” don’t take it to the beach.
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“One if by land,
Two if by sea,
Three if by air.”
- Paul Revere
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Look, some days you go to the gym and eat salads, some days you eat cupcakes and watch TV without your pants on. It’s called balance. Look it up.
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I went out for a run this morning, but I came back after a couple of minutes because I forgot something.
I forgot that I can’t run for more than a couple of minutes.
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I love living in LA. It’s kind of like making an agreement that an earthquake is allowed to kill me at any random moment during the course of my life in exchange for never having to wear a heavy jacket.
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While most puns make me feel numb, mathematics puns make me feel number.
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Anyone who doesn’t like musicals because “people don’t just start randomly singing and dancing all of a sudden in real life” have obviously never been to my house.
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I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked wonderful tonight, or was it just the 20th outfit she’d tried and he just wanted to get to the party?
~~~~~
Sing like you don't need the money; love like you'll never get hurt; dance like there's nobody watching; email like it may one day be read aloud in a deposition.
~~~~~
Important Safety Tip: If you name your dog “Shark,” don’t take it to the beach.
~~~~~
“One if by land,
Two if by sea,
Three if by air.”
- Paul Revere
~~~~~
Look, some days you go to the gym and eat salads, some days you eat cupcakes and watch TV without your pants on. It’s called balance. Look it up.
~~~~~
I went out for a run this morning, but I came back after a couple of minutes because I forgot something.
I forgot that I can’t run for more than a couple of minutes.
~~~~~
I love living in LA. It’s kind of like making an agreement that an earthquake is allowed to kill me at any random moment during the course of my life in exchange for never having to wear a heavy jacket.
~~~~~
While most puns make me feel numb, mathematics puns make me feel number.
~~~~~
Anyone who doesn’t like musicals because “people don’t just start randomly singing and dancing all of a sudden in real life” have obviously never been to my house.
~~~~~
I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked wonderful tonight, or was it just the 20th outfit she’d tried and he just wanted to get to the party?
TUNESMITH TUESDAY - "Song of the Cebu" From Veggietales
Song Of The Cebu
From Veggietales
From Veggietales
Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls!
Larry the CucumberPresents, in a sequential image,
stereophonic, multimedia event, The Song of the Cebu!
Larry: Cebu! This is a song about a boy ... a song
about a little boy and his cebus ... a song about a
little boy and his three cebus ... the little boy
who had a sick cebu, a sad cebu and a mute cebu.
And also a Hippo! Um ... um ... this is a picture of
me at the airport. This is my Aunt Ruth. This is me
at a bullfight. This is me fighting the bull
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Ohh!
Larry: This is me and the bull
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Ahh!
Larry: This is me and the bull and ... I think that's
the bull's cousin. He's a cebu!
Archibald: Hold it! You call this a multimedia event?
This is a slide projector and a bed sheet! And what on
Earth is a cebu, anyway?
Larry: It's kind of like a cow. See?
Archibald: Yes. Well, very good. This could be interesting.
Carry on!
Larry: Cebu! Sing it with me! Cebu!
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Cebu!
Larry: Boy is riding with cebu
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Boy is riding with cebu
Larry: Into town in his canoe
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Into town in his canoe
Larry: Sick cebu is rowing and sneezing. Achoo
moo moo, achoo moo moo achoo moo moo,
achoo moo moo moo moo
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Achoo moo moo, achoo
moo moo, achoo moo moo achoo moo moo,
achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo moo moo
Larry: Hippo chewing on bamboo
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Hippo chewing on bamboo
Larry: Can't see boy and three cebus
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Can't see boy and three cebus
Larry: Sad cebu is rowing and crying. Boo-hoo
moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo boo-hoo moo moo,
boo-hoo moo moo moo moo
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo
moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo,
boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo moo moo
Larry: Cebu!
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Cebu!
Larry: Cebu!
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Cebu!
All: Achoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo
moo moo, achoo moo moo achoo moo moo, boo-hoo
moo moo, cebu!
Larry: Hippo seen by mute cebu
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Hippo seen by mute cebu
Larry: Tries to tell the other two
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Tries to tell the other two
Larry: Mute cebu is waving and grunting. Mmm-hmm
mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm
mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Mmm-hmm mmm mmm,
mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm,
mmm-hmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Larry: Uh-oh
Archibald: Wait! What happens next?
Larry: Um ...
Archibald: Does the hippo see them? Is the poor mute
cebu successful in communicating the imminent danger
to the other passengers? Is the boy injured? Why is
the sad cebu sad? Is the canoe wood or aluminum?
Larry: Oh look! There's me and Bob at Sea World!
Oh, wow. Forgot about that one. There's me and that
bull again
Archibald: You can't just start a song and leave
it hanging like that! You know, I've come to expect
a lot more from you. This is quite disappointing!
I'm going to have to speak to Bob about this
Larry: Oh look, a cebu! Cebu!
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: Cebu!
Larry: No, wait ... that's a water buffalo
Jimmy, Jerry & Junior: No more song about cebu!
Need another verse or two! Audience is standing
and leaving, bye-bye moo, bye-bye moo, bye-bye
moo, bye-bye moo moo moo moo
Jimmy: I want my money back!
Jerry: Yeah, that'd be ... that'd be good
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