“Hello,
Microsoft Support. What’s the nature of the problem?”
“Eggshell”
“Eggshell?”
“Yesh”
“Oh,
hello again, Mr. Connery. Spreadsheet issues?”
~~~~~
I bought
the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
~~~~~
My date
told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
~~~~~
What do
you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Phillipe
Phillope
~~~~~
A blind
man walks into a bar.
And a table.
And a chair.
~~~~~
What’s
ET short for?
He’s
only got little legs.
~~~~~
“Sir, we
are mining too many useless ores.”
(Hitler
rubs chin)
“So mine
less.”
(Grammar
Nazi bursts in)
“MINE
FEWER”
(Hitler
looks up) “Yes?”
~~~~~
Saying
“I’m just on Tinder to make friends” is like saying, “I’m just on PornHub to
see if this plumber manages to fix this sink.”
~~~~~
“They’re
stealing our jobs!”
Yes,
Gary. With your high school diploma, Muhammad the neurologist is stealing your
job.
~~~~~
I’ve
never gotten a tattoo, because I could never think of anything I want on me for
the rest of my life. However, if I ever DO get one, it’ll be a “W” on each butt
cheek so I can bend over and spell “WOW.” Better yet, if I ever fall down a
hill naked it’ll look like I’m spelling out “WOW MOM” as I roll.
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