SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Website Wednesday 18.9
Website
Wednesday
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk digital wind..."
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk digital wind..."
I refuse to eat at
Chick-Fil-A
because it
reinforces
the
stereotype
that
Southerners
can’t spell.
Top of the heap: 2017 National Geographic Travel Photographer of the Year Winners
Mueller's Latest Indictment Shows Trump Has Helped Putin Cover Up a Crime
All 11 Versions of the U.S.S. Enterprise, Ranked (The starships, not the schooners, sloops, aircraft carriers, space shuttles, and the like)
Royal Weddings and the Love Stories Behind Them (Thanks, Emma!)
If the Moon Were Only 1 Pixel - A Tediously Accurate Scale Model of the Solar System
The Coolest Stuff at Toy Fair 2018
How the NRA Lost Its Mind
Hawaii's Last Outlaw Hippies
America's Secret Ice Base Won't Stay Frozen Forever
This is fun...
Who woulda thunk Olympic cross-country skiing could be exciting?
The POW Olympics of World War II
Obligatory Star Wars stuff: Rey is the New Anakin
Secrets of Competitive Figure Skaters
The 50 Greatest Shower Thoughts of All Time
Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch.
Have your
people call my
people. Ciao,
bella.
- Skip
ಠ_ಠ
Website Wednesday archives
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Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Any joke that starts with, "A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV" can't be all bad
A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV. He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"
The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.
"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."
Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.
Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.
One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"
The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital.
Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she's all good, it's just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors.
Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he's out of a job and he's stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he'll drink himself to death.
So the horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "why the long face?"
The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.
"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."
Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.
Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.
One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"
The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital.
Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she's all good, it's just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors.
Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he's out of a job and he's stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he'll drink himself to death.
So the horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "why the long face?"
TUNESMITH TUESDAY - "Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (A Letter from Camp
"Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (A Letter from Camp)" is a Grammy Award-winning novelty song by Allan Sherman and Lou Busch, based on letters of complaint Allan received from his son Robert while Robert attended Camp Champlain in Westport, New York.
The song is a parody that complains about the fictional "Camp Granada" and is set to the tune of Amilcare Ponchielli's "Dance of the Hours". It won the 1964 Grammy in the category of Best Comedy
~~~~~
Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (a Letter From Camp)
Hello Muddah, hello Fadduh,
Here I am at Camp Grenada
Camp is very entertaining
and they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.
I went hiking with Joe Spivy
He developed poison ivy
You remember Leonard Skinner
He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.
All the counselors hate the waiters
And the lake has alligators
And the head coach wants no sissies
So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.
Now I don't want this should scare ya
But my bunkmate has malaria
You remember Jeffrey Hardy
They're about to organize a searching party.
Take me home, oh muddah fadduh,
take me home, I hate Grenada
Don't leave me out in the forest
where
I might
get eaten by a bear.
Take me home, I promise I will not make noise
or mess the house with other boys,
oh please don't make me stay,
I've been here one ... whole ... day.
Dearest fadduh, darling muddah,
How's my precious little bruddah?
Let me come home if ya miss me
I will even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.
Wait a minute, it stopped hailing,
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing,
Playing baseball, gee that's better,
Muddah Fadduh kindly disregard this letter.
Monday, February 26, 2018
Summer is coming...
Best comment:
"A lot of balls were tossed in her general direction.
I wonder if that happens often?"
(via)
Incredible Drone Photos From Around the World
The Kremlin, Moscow, Russia
Taj Mahal, Agra, India
Barcelona, Spain
Vittoria Light, Trieste, Italy
Hotel Ukraina, Moscow, Russia
The Church on Spilt Blood, St. Petersburg, Russia
Blue Mosque, Istanbul, Turkey
"Hill 3" slum, Mumbai, India
Abkhazia, Georgia
Liberty Statue, Budapest, Hungary
(more here)
MONDAY MIND GAME
And, now that your mind is firmly ensconced in the gutter, drag your cursor between the asterisks for the answers:
*
1. SPINE
2. LITHER
3. GINGER
4. SUBTEXT
You've obviously got a dirty mind
*
Sunday, February 25, 2018
The Animals
A horse is bored, so he's sitting at home, watching a music video on MTV (this was back in the old days when MTV actually played music videos).
Anyway, he's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says, "That looks amazing, I want to do that!"
The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the equine. "I'm a horse."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state-of-the-art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time!"
Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and is able to learn to play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.
"Hey chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches Horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Horse then shows Chicken the music video, after which Chicken says, "Hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."
Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state-of-the-art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.
Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state-of-the-art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.
One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "Hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"
The band records an album, puts out some singles and they become a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital.
Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she's all good, it's just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors.
Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he's out of a job, and he's stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he'll drink himself to death.
So the horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
Anyway, he's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says, "That looks amazing, I want to do that!"
The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the equine. "I'm a horse."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state-of-the-art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time!"
"Hey chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches Horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Horse then shows Chicken the music video, after which Chicken says, "Hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."
Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state-of-the-art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.
"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."
"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."
"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state-of-the-art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."
One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "Hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"
The band records an album, puts out some singles and they become a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital.
Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she's all good, it's just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors.
Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he's out of a job, and he's stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he'll drink himself to death.
So the horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
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