SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women
Saturday, November 30, 2019
Here's something interesting...
A picture of all the U.S. watersheds
That pink one in the middle is the Mississippi.
"Fire and Rain (updated) - with James Taylor and Stephen Colbert
Fire and Rain (updated)
Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen the rise and fall of the Beanie Babies trend
I’ve seen man buns, MySpace, and the Baja Men
But I never thought I’d see a new Star Wars again
But I never thought I’d see a new Star Wars again
Once I looked down and saw some sneakers
That had wheels built in the heel
I’ve seen grandmas reading Fifty Shades of Grey
I’ve seen rainbow suspenders
And a Taco Bell Fourth Meal
And gluten-free Brown Sugar Special K
Oh, I’ve seen Snakes Upon a Plane
I’ve seen shampoo with conditioner built right in
I’ve seen Al Roker’s body go from fat to thin
And I kinda hope to see Left Shark again
I saw a strange pizza pie and it caught my eye
It was folded into a pouch
Lord knows what you call those
I shoulda asked the pizza guy (Calzone)
Well there’s Bud Light Lime and cyber crime
And flavored crystal gum
Quidditch teams and skinny jeans
Cutting blood off from my thighs
Oh, I’ve seen toast that’s multi-grain
I’ve seen almost every episode of Friends
I’ve seen adult diapers, I think their called Depends
But I never saw that show with the Olsen Twins
(It’s called Full House)
How many more verses are there here, James?
75
Well, we gotta go to commercial here, James. We’ll be right back
(continues singing)
Oh, I’ve seen Seinfeld and Elaine
(James Taylor, everybody!)
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end…
Friday, November 29, 2019
If You Still Support Donald Trump Today, I Instantly Know 8 Things About You
I Instantly Know 8 Things About You
By Brian Moniz
If 2016 taught us all anything, it is that anyone truly can become President. There is absolutely no shame in admitting that you voted for Trump, despite his divisive rhetoric and outlandish behavior, hoping that he would shape up and deliver on his promises to save your jobs and take care of your family. We get it, you were desperate and looking for a BIG change. Trump was your lottery ticket — you know you are not going to win…but you might.
Since 2016, countless conservative Americans have jumped off the Trump wagon and quit the Republican Party, and many more have re-registered as either Democrat, Independent or Libertarian. That explains why Trump’s approval rating among Republican voters is in the high 80 to 90% range— the only ones left today are the true believers and tribal loyalists. (His overall national approval rating is in the high 30–40% range).
This article is not for the Trump voters who have since bailed on him; this is for all of you who continue to shamelessly make excuses for his immature behavior and will defend him to the death. If you still think Trump is a great President, then I can humbly assume the following things about you:
You have never read the Constitution and you never will.
Almost everything Donald Trump does violates the United States Constitution. He overreaches his power by firing 56 tomahawk missiles on Syria without congressional authority, skips the proper legal process to get security clearances for people who have already been denied them, has violated the Emolument Clause, has clearly not divested from his businesses, has been caught red-handed using the Presidency to boost his own personal financial gains, wants to throw journalists in jail for writing negative press on him despite the 1st amendment, openly admitted to obstructing justice, and the list goes on and on. You “freedom-lovers” carry copies of the Constitution in your front pocket and love to use them as props in arguments the same way you hold up the Bible when you scream at gay people; and just like the Bible, you pretend to cherish something you have never even read. If you truly love the Constitution, you would have turned on Trump years ago.
You don’t want a President to govern for you, you want a king to rule over you.
What do Vladimir Putin, Rodrigo Duterte, Kim Jong Un, Mohamad bin Salman, and Xi Jinping all have in common? They are all brutal strongmen and dictators who demand respect, obedience, loyalty, and want their followers to willingly believe and do anything they tell them. What else do they have in common? They are all men that Donald Trump admires and looks up to. Trump was caught on a hot-mic last year saying, “He [Kim Jong Un] speaks and his people sit up at attention. I want my people to do the same.” Trump later said anyone who doesn’t cheer for anything he says is a traitor committing treason.
At a rally held by Steve Bannon this past March, a very passionate and angry woman took the microphone and said, “Never in my life did I think I would like to see a dictator, but if there’s gonna be one, I want it to be Trump!” which was met with loud cheers and applause from Bannon and the crowd. If you hear that and cheer, then you are not for freedom — you are for fascism. You don’t want an elected official to govern on behalf of the people, you want an authoritarian dictator who will enforce on everyone else what you believe and punish those who don’t.
You have no moral authority and are not really a Christian.
Where do I even start with this one: Mocking a physically disabled reporter? Bragging about groping women by their private parts? Calling an entire nationality of people “rapists”? Rating women on a scale from 1–10 of how sexy they are? Saying that women who get sexually assaulted or harassed in the workplace are the ones who need to find a new job? Calling for the imprisonment of his political opponents? You let Trump get away with literally everything.
In the Bible, Jesus says to not be afraid of strangers, and welcome those who seek help from you, but Trump ignores both the Bible and the Constitution when he denies asylum to sanctuary seekers, imposes a ban on people of only one specific faith, and says to future immigrants, “Go home, our country is full!”
Trump has cheated thousands of people whom he hired in the past for jobs, then simply told them, “I’m not paying you. Sue me,” and in the 2000’s he ran a fake University to which he had to pay a $25,000,000 settlement to the people he scammed (Greed). He has cheated on all his wives with porn stars (Lust); spends the vast majority of his time locked in his room watching TV instead of working (Sloth); binges on nothing but fast-food and soda (Gluttony); publicly belittles his own staff and tries to destroy anyone who criticizes him (Wrath); hates how great patriots like John McCain and Barack Obama are beloved by America and tries to tear them down out of jealousy (Envy); He is a raging narcissist who speaks of himself in the third person, boasts about his minor achievements with lavish parties and press opportunities, holds rallies only for the purpose of feeding his own ego, and repeatedly claims, “Nobody can do it but me! Nobody knows more than me! No one can solve our problems but me!” (Pride).
Trump once said, “Nobody loves the Bible more than I do!” yet when he was pressed to name his favorite verse, he made one up that does not even exist. Trump has absolutely nothing in common with Jesus Christ. He breaks every commandment daily, has proven he knows nothing of the Bible, and still gets over 87% of the Evangelical Christian vote. To say you hold him to a lesser standard would be incorrect since that would imply that you hold him to any standard at all.
You are probably a racist, even if you don’t realize it.
Racism:
a) The belief in superiority of one race over another.
b) Hatred or intolerance of another race or races.
c) a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering discrimination.
When Trump attacks his white critics, he says they are corrupt, angry, crazy, weak, or engage in fake news. Any time he attacks someone of color, the insults penetrate to a much deeper level of hate, having to do with being less intelligent, less hard-working or being less valuable as a human being. He refers to his black critics as “low-IQ” or being “very ungrateful.” He perpetually fails to criticize and distance himself from white nationalists, KKK members and Neo-Nazi’s because he knows they voted for him. He retweeted white supremacists on twitter, once retweeted an anti-Semitic image, referred to klansmen marching down Charlottesville chanting “Jews will not replace us!” as “very fine people”, and publicly said last month that America does not have a white nationalist problem at all.
Trump angered half the planet when he said that African countries are “shitholes”, all people from Haiti have AIDS, Nigerians all live in huts, and prefers that America only take in immigrants from predominantly white countries like Norway and Finland.
You defended him saying, “He’s only saying what regular people like us are thinking!” When Roseanne Barr, Jeanine Pirro and Steve King make blatantly racist comments, you defend them by saying they are just exercising their “free speech” and “right to protest.” When Colin Kaepernick, Marshawn Lynch, LeBron James or Steph Curry exercise their right to free speech or peaceful protest, you cheer when Trump attacks them, calls them “sons of bitches,” demands that they be fired and personally revokes any invitation they received to visit the White House.
Trump supporters have overwhelmingly expressed they think the biggest problem in America is reverse-racism against white people. They are silent when a white person calls the police on black or brown people just for being out in public but are quick to demand an apology when a white person is harassed for wearing a MAGA hat. When asked at rallies what they think about poor people of color in America, many Trump supporters have responded with, “They put themselves there, if they are poor then it’s their own fault!” or “If they want something then they have to work for it!”, but when asked about someone of color who is hardworking and successful like Barack Obama, Kamala Harris, or Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (the epitome of the “American Dream”) they scoff and say, “They only made it far in life because they played the race card and benefited from affirmative action.” When you spend your whole life living in privilege, equality for others feels like oppression to you. Minorities getting equal rights and opportunities does not mean you get less. Rights are not a pie.
You get all your information from Fox News and believe anything they or Donald Trump say no matter how false it is.
Since its debut in 1996, Fox News has time and time again been under fire for presenting fake news stories, spreading false information, never citing legitimate sources, inciting hate-speech and violence, and omitting information altogether. The philosophy of Fox News has been “We report, you decide,” and “Fair and Balanced,” yet everything they report is fact-free right-wing propaganda designed to make you hate someone or a group of people. When Trump tells a blatant lie that instantly becomes news, Fox News ignores the lie itself and instead covers how the rest of the country reports it, usually by saying, “look how radical the Left is!?” and pull up another clip of Hillary or Obama to distract you from Trump. They don’t report, so you can’t decide.
Case and point: During the George W. Bush years, thirteen American embassies were attacked resulting in sixty deaths. Fox News never reported any of them which is why you reading this now is the first time you ever heard about them. When an embassy was attacked under Obama, Fox News cried “BENGHAZI, BENGHAZI!” for more than two years. When Hillary Clinton announced her run for President, Fox switched from Obama to her, claiming (without any evidence) that Hillary was the one who suggested foreign policies to Obama that resulted in the Benghazi attack and blamed her for the four Americans that were killed. On January 16th, 2019, there was a suicide bombing by ISIS in Syria one day after Trump and Pence said, “ISIS had been defeated.” The attack resulted in nineteen deaths including four Americans. As soon as that huge story broke, every newspaper, website and TV news station on the planet covered the bombing, piecing together the “who, what, when, where, why” and “how” of that attack.
Fox News was the only major news network in the world that didn’t even report it.
To say the Fox News network is a bubble would be an inaccurate way to describe bubbles; bubbles can be penetrated.
Fox News is more like an air-tight panic room in a spaceship that locks with impenetrable thick metal doors and bomb-proof walls. Like Trump, Fox News has figured out that they can tell you anything no matter how untrue or ridiculous and you will always believe it. Even Trump gets all his policy ideas from Fox News. We have witnessed first-hand Donald Trump deciding something, then Sean Hannity or Ann Coulter criticize him on Fox News for it, so Trump changes his mind immediately. Any time Trump gets in trouble, Fox News will report a fake new “Breaking News” story about the border or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to distract you from whatever illegal thing he got caught doing that day.
You don’t love veterans as much as you think you do.
Trump supporters always brag about their love for the military, support for the troops and veterans, then continue to worship a man who steps on the military every chance he gets. Trump promised he would donate to military charities, then didn’t, then lied about it. He attacked John McCain during the campaign for no reason, attacked him throughout his term, and continues to attack McCain eight months after his death. When Republican Congressman and war veteran Dan Crenshaw, who lost his eye in combat serving his country, tweeted to Trump, “Seriously stop talking about Senator John McCain,” Trump supporters turned on veteran Crenshaw and harassed, threatened and insulted him on twitter.
Donald Trump dodged the draft five times, making up a foot injury to get out of serving his country. A war veteran presented his Purple Heart medal to Trump, and he took it and said, “I always wanted one of these, this way is much easier.” No other politician, Republican or Democrat, would have ever accepted that from a veteran. Trump claims to support veterans after they return from service, but in the last two years he slashed funding for military housing assistance programs which help keep veterans off the street and gutted mental illness programs which help those dealing with PTSD and suicidal tendencies.
You are not really a patriot; you are just tribal.
When Obama said he is open to the idea of having open dialogue with Kim Jong Un to discuss peace, Sean Hannity said on TV, “His willingness to meet with North Korea is one of the most disturbing displays of Obama’s lack of foreign policy expertise!” When Trump suggested the exact same thing, you cheered loud and proud when Hannity said, “Him meeting with North Korea is a huge foreign policy win for the President!” You hated when Obama held fundraiser banquets for $50,000 per seat but say nothing when Trump holds fundraisers for $150,000 per seat. Obama once took his family on a trip to Hawaii and Fox News covered every detail including what food his family ate, how luxurious the rooms are, what it is costing the taxpayers, and nicknamed Obama the “Vacationer-in-Chief.” Trump said “He [Obama] spent more time playing golf than Tiger Woods!” and now Trump plays more golf than Obama, and Obama is retired. Trump has been President over 790 days, has spent 236 of those days at his own resorts, and 177 days playing golf. It costs all of us over three million dollars in taxpayer-money every time Trump travels to his own beach resort in Florida to play golf. You do the math.
When Hillary Clinton brought her work home and used a private server, you cheered for Trump to “Lock her up!” but since being President, Donald Trump, Mike Pence, Don Jr., Eric Trump, Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump have all been caught misusing their private servers exactly the same way Hillary did, but you never say, “Lock them up!”
It doesn’t matter to you that Trump chooses to side with North Korea over America, Russia over America, China over America, Saudi Arabia over America, all Trump has to do is hug the American flag and hold rallies where he tells the crowd to shout, “U-S-A!” and you get swept up in fake-patriotism again. Even if what he says or does bothers you personally, you will forgive him if it also upsets the Democrats. Nothing makes you happier than seeing Liberals cry. You are no different than trolls on the internet who get off on making other people upset.
Your ego is just as big as Trump’s.
You probably aren’t blind to any of the things mentioned above. You might even agree that Trump is a terrible President and secretly get more upset with him than his critics do, but the last thing you ever want to do is swallow your pride and admit, “I got conned.”
When someone presents you with something bad Trump did, rather than address it you jump straight to the “what-about-isms”. “What about Hillary!?”, “What about Obama!?”, “What about when…!?”, “What about the time…!?”, “What about how…!?” etc. Even when Trump does something you truly cannot excuse, rather than go after him with the same tenacity and viciousness you would if it were a Democrat, you instead lower your voice and in a very calm manner say, “I am deeply disappointed.”
I could make this list much longer than what it already is, but it would be a waste of time since I know you hopped off this article as soon as I said you are probably a racist. If you have made it this far, then I sincerely thank you for having the open-mindedness to at least hear these points and consider that maybe this really is how about 65% of the country (and most of the world) sees you if you still support Donald Trump today.
In 2020 you will have a choice: either put the country that you claim to love back in the hands of mature, qualified, sane adults whom you might not always agree with, or continue to enable a egomaniac with dementia and narcissistic personality disorder who serves no one but himself and is destroying our democracy in the process.
(Thanks, JoAl)
(Thanks, JoAl)
Thursday, November 28, 2019
'Twas the Night of Thanksgiving
'Twas the night of Thanksgiving
'Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
but I just couldn't sleep...
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned...the dark meat and white,
but I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation,
the thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door
and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
stuffing with gravy, green beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky
with a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees...
Happy eating to all -- pass the cranberries, please.
Wednesday, November 27, 2019
Website Wednesday 19.48
Website Wednesday
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing tableinto the brisk digital wind..."
a subsidiary of Skip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail,
peeing like a baby on a changing tableinto the brisk digital wind..."
Happy Thanksgiving, dudes and dudettes.
Enjoy your Turkey Day tomorrow, and just
remember, nothin’ says lovin’ like somethin’
from the oven. Unless it’s a red spandex
bodysuit with ostrich feathers, a can of 10W40
motor oil, and some fur-lined handcuffs.
Top of the heap: The Things We Realized After We Rescued a Shelter Dog
Thanksgiving Flowcharts
13 Twists on Traditional Thanksgiving Dishes
The Thanksgiving Pie Recipes You've Been Waiting For All Tear
5 Ways to Pull Great Stories Out of Your Family
20 Twitter Thanksgiving Horror Stories
Inside Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker - more than the trailers reveal
Movies That Were Better Than the Book. And Why.
Badass Karate
I Study Liars - I've Never Seen One Like Donald Trump
The Difficult Legacy of Disney's Most Shocking Movie
What the world will be like in 50 years
Humans Placed in Suspended Animation For the First Time
The 10 Most Important Tech Trends of the Decade
The Flathead Beacon Police Blotter - comedy gold
Fact-Checking Toto's Africa
Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. Ciao, bella.
- Skip ಠ_à²
Website Wednesday archives
(If you'd like to subscribe to the Website Wednesday mailing list,
shoot me an email and let me know)
Tuesday, November 26, 2019
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