SHOC

SHOC
Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Saturday, September 26, 2020

Random Status Updates

I’ve always wondered why some people jump off the tops of buildings to see if they can fly. Wouldn’t it be safer and make a lot more sense to try to fly UP to the top?

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Has anyone else ever wondered if, in a pinch, Jim Henson ever used Kermit as an oven mitt?

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Whoever said that you can catch more flies with honey has obviously never played outfield in a softball league

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If no one has taken you aside today and told you what an amazing person you are, let me be the first to say: it’s getting late, so I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

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ME: How many syllables are in the word “Gloria”?
CATHOLICS: 18

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There’s a delicate balance in telling people you’re going to the gym, enough so that they’re impressed but not so much that they start expecting you to be in shape.

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You pick a phrase, you pick a rhyme,
Repeat the sound another time,
Five lambs, then an extra beat will do ya.
Another rhyme, a rising note,
Congratulations, you just wrote,
Another stupid verse to Hallelujah.

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I always ask kids what they want to be when they grow up.
Mostly because I’m still looking for ideas.
Mostly.

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Man, I’m having a real hard time today. Please send me photos of your credit card numbers and three-digit security codes.

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It’s official: the rule “I before E except after C” has been disproved by science.

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