(originally published on February 19, 2013)
• JACK AND JILL went up the hill
To have a little fun
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son
• MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two hunks of bread
• LITTLE MISS MUFFET sat on a tuffet
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It had not been the spider that crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn
• SIMPLE SIMON met a Pieman going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman "What have you got there?"
Said the Pieman unto Simon
"Pies, you idiot!"
• THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL, who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
And when she was good, she was very very good
But when she was bad, she got a fur coat, jewels, and a sports car
• HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Had scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast
• HICKORY DICKORY DOCK
Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
And the others got away with minor injuries
• HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat did a piddle
All over the bedside clock
The little dog laughed to see such fun
And the cat died of electric shock
• OLD MOTHER HUBBARD went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress
When she got there, the cupboard was bare
And so was her daughter I guess
• JACK BE NIMBLE Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candlestick.
Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire
• THERE WAS AN OLD LADY who lived in a shoe
She had so many children,
she qualified for food stamps and welfare.
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