It must have sucked to be one of the servants in The Beast's castle and
be turned into an appliance forever just because your boss was an asshole.
Somewhere in the galaxy, your childhood is still currently visible. Your
past self still exist, traveling through space at the speed of light.
Out of necessity, human beings have developed the tendency occasionally
wake up in the middle of the night, to check for predators, to check on
children and livestock, and to tend the fire in the hearth before going back to
sleep. I use it to check on social media.
If you wanna know where the kids are in the house, just turn off the
internet. They'll show up.
Some rockstar should stop mid-show and just say, "Hey Siri, text my
mom, "I'll be home late from this awesome concert tonight because I'm
going to have unprotected group sex." Then pause a second and say into the
mic, "send it."
I never notice the ringing in my ears until some asshat mentions
tinnitus.
Are my boogers scentless? Or have I become desensitized to the smell of
my own boogers?
A shelled peanut has no shell, but an unshelled peanut HAS a shell.
A corn is not acorn. Acorn is not a corn.
(via)
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