Random Status Updates

The thing all dystopian movies and books were never able to predict was the sudden rebellion of the National Park Social Media Managers.

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Okay, so in hindsight, holding a ticker-tape parade to honor our city's street-cleaning crew was probably a bad idea.

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All I’m saying is, if you want to call yourself the Lone Ranger, you shouldn’t have a partner with you everywhere you go.

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I always knew I'd love being a father. I still relish my first bonding moment with my newborn son: Looking into his squinting eyes, seeing his tiny hand clasp around my index finger, and me having enough gas handy to make that little tug worthwhile.

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Here's an uplifting Thursday Thought: In Russian, they don’t say, “I love you.” Instead, they say, “есть плоть капиталистов”, which means “We are one and the same”, and I think that’s beautiful.

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You equestrian people have no sense of humor. I thought naming my horse “Elmer” was kind of funny in an ironic sort of way.

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Is it just my imagination, or do Buffalo wings taste an awful lot like chicken?

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Okay, so wait… if, according the “Beauty and the Beast,” it doesn’t matter what’s on the outside, why does he turn back into a handsome prince?

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My New Year's Resolution is to start getting things done ahead of time.

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The fact that they call it the Food Pyramid and not the Food Triangle implies it has (at least) two other sides. So maybe this much pasta is okay….