Experts from different fields were asked the question: "What is 2+2?"

Engineer: Between 3.9 and 4.1, but let's make it 5 just to be safe.

Physicist: 10.

Mathematician: I don't know, but I can prove it converges. 

Chemist: Realistic yield is less than 0.5. 

Logician: 2+2

Philosopher: The real question is why is 2+2? 

Also Philosopher: That will be 4.00. Would you like fries with that?

Statistician: Between 3.998 and 4.005, but only 99.7% of the time. In North America. 

Biologist: 2+2+2+2+2+2, but realistically few will survive the predatory 7 (which ate 9).

Psychologist: Why do you think you are so fixated on asking so many different people? 

Environmental Scientist: [This joke has been defunded]

Programmer: "error: dereferencing pointer to incomplete type"

Sysadmin: oh sweet fancy moses what happened now

Stockbroker: If it ever goes above 10, we'll be rich!

Confused Undergrad: Low Batt.

Geologist: [This joke is currently too drunk to function] 

Politician: If you vote for me, I promise to change 2+2 to equal lower taxes!

Astronomer: According to the latest Hubble data, 4E0. But it may have several moons.

Astrologer: You will meet a tall handsome stranger who will tell you the answer.

Hipster: it's a really obscure number. You probably never heard of it.

Upper Management: Doesn't matter, we aren't going over 1. Let's try to keep it under 0.5.

Nutritionist: You shouldn't be putting those problems into your body.

Doctor: (consults your chart) Between 3.5 and 4.5 is healthy, but if it ever drops below 3.5, you should come in for more tests. Also, try to eat more vegetables. 

Cable News Anchor: What is 2+2? let's debate it with our panel of shrieking experts. 

Accountant: (shuts and locks door, draws curtains, sits down next to you) (whispering) ...what do you want it to be?