Pregnant
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I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a nice Nigerian man with no feet who made me a great offer. In about a week, I'll have *millions* of shoes!
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I've come to the conclusion that all dolphins are happy.
Well, either that, or they have a lot of trouble frowning.
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What did the orange-colored fruit say to her stupid donkey boyfriend?
I cantaloupe, dumb ass!
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Few people know that Shakespeare actually coined the phrase, but it was originally, "Excrete, or removeth thy bottom from thine chamber pot!"
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I'd imagine that in those jungle cultures where people subsist on bugs, it would make sense to have at least a "30-second rule" if you were to drop your lunch on the ground.
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Wherever decent people fight against injustice, there you'll find me, offering odds.
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If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I'd never work in this town again, I'd have enough money that I'd never have to work in this town again.
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Wait – if it’s 2X better than the leading brand, why isn’t it the leading brand?
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I like to think that one thing I have in common with the apostles is that we've both said something like, "Jesus Christ! What in God's name are you doing?"
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