Random Status Updates

It’s so annoying when someone says the name of a song, and then it gets stuck in your head for the rest of the day.

Like Rhinestone Cowboy

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Twenty years from now, kids listening to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” are going to find it really, really weird.
We’re going to have to explain that it has to be understood in the context of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside.

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I just pissed off a couple of guys because I referred to them as “hipsters.”

Apparently, the (finger-quotes) CORRECT term is “conjoined twins.”

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How do you reset your body back to its factory settings?
I’m asking for a friend.
Is it kale?
It’s kale, isn’t it?
Please don’t say it’s kale.

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I just ate raw cookie dough wrapped in Romaine lettuce while listening to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” because that’s the sort of rock-em, sock-em, laugh-in-the-face-of-death, life-on-the-razor’s edge guy I am.

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I wonder if Popeye’s Chicken is fried in Olive Oil?

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INTERVIEWER: What would you say are your st-
ME: Strengths? Making inferences from minimal data.
INTERVIEWER; Okay. And your we-
ME: Wheat allergies? None whatsoever.

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What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

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I think the Denver Mint should charge an admission fee for tours of their facility. Think how much money they could make! Man, I gotta start writing this stuff DOWN!

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It’s a weird world. Fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing. Boxing rings are square. Pioneer Square (in Seattle) is a triangle. We park on a driveway and drive on a parkway. Stuff sent by ships is called cargo, but stuff sent by truck is called shipment. Just… do whatever you want.