Skip's House of Chaos: June 2021

Wednesday, June 30, 2021

Sometimes, a caption makes all the difference

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Tuesday, June 29, 2021

The light at the end of the tunnel

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TUNESMITH TUESDAY - "Come A Little Bit Closer" by Jay and the Americans (1964)

Come A Little Bit Closer

In a little café just the other side of the border

She was just sitting there giving me looks that made my mouth water

So I started walking her way

She belonged to bad man José

And I knew, yes I knew I should leave

When I heard her say

Come a little bit closer, you're my kind of man

So big and so strong

Come a little bit closer, I'm all alone

And the night is so long

So we started to dance, in my arms she felt so inviting

That I just couldn't resist just one little kiss so exciting

Then I heard the guitar player say

Vamoose, José's on his way

And I knew, yes I knew I should run

But then I heard her say

Come a little bit closer, you're my kind of man

So big and so strong

Come a little bit closer, I'm all alone

And the night is so long

Then the music stopped, when I looked the café was empty

Then I heard José say, "Man, you know you're in trouble plenty"

So I dropped my drink from my hand

And through the window I ran

And as I rode away I could hear

Her say to José

Come a little bit closer, you're my kind of man

So big and so strong

Come a little bit closer, I'm all alone

And the night is so long

Monday, June 28, 2021

MONDAY MIND GAME

Give up?

Drag your cursor between the asterisks for the answer:

clue 1: 9'o clock + 9'o clock * 3'o clock = 21, so 21

clue 2: Sum of #s inside the calculator is 1+2+3+4 = 30

clue 3: Bulb with 5 lights = 15, bulb with 1 light = 3, so 15

clue 4: 9 (# in clock) + 9 (#s in calculator) X 9 (3 lightbulbs w/4 lights each) = 324

So ...

9 + 324 = 333

Sunday, June 27, 2021

How It Feels to Fall Asleep When You're Very Tired

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The Circles of Hell in Dante's "Inferno"

Dante’s "Inferno" is the first part of his three-part epic poem "The Divine Comedy," written in the 14th century and considered one of the world’s great works of literature. "Inferno" is followed by "Purgatorio" and "Paradiso." Those approaching "Inferno" for the first time might benefit from a brief structural description. This is Dante’s journey through the nine circles of Hell, guided by the poet Virgil. At the beginning of the story, a woman, Beatrice, calls for an angel to bring Virgil to guide Dante in his journey so that no harm will befall him.

Nine Circles of Hell

Here are the circles of hell in order of entrance and severity:

Limbo: Where those who never knew Christ exist. Dante encounters Ovid, Homer, Socrates, Aristotle, Julius Caesar, and more here.

Lust: Self-explanatory. Dante encounters Achilles, Paris, Tristan, Cleopatra, and Dido, among others.

Gluttony: Where those who overindulge exist. Dante encounters ordinary people here, not characters from epic poems or gods from mythology. The author Boccaccio took one of these characters, Ciacco, and incorporated him into his 14th-century collection of tales called "The Decameron."

Greed: Self-explanatory. Dante encounters more ordinary people but also the guardian of the circle, Pluto, the mythological king of the Underworld. This circle is reserved for people who hoarded or squandered their money, but Dante and Virgil do not directly interact with any of its inhabitants. This is the first time they pass through a circle without speaking to anyone, a commentary on Dante’s opinion of greed as a higher sin.

Anger: Dante and Virgil are threatened by the Furies when they try to enter through the walls of Dis (Satan). This is a further progression in Dante’s evaluation of the nature of sin; he also begins to question himself and his own life, realizing his actions and nature could lead him to this permanent torture.

Heresy: Rejection of religious and/or political “norms.” Dante encounters Farinata degli Uberti, a military leader and aristocrat who tried to win the Italian throne and was convicted posthumously of heresy in 1283. Dante also meets Epicurus, Pope Anastasius II, and Emperor Frederick II.

Violence: This is the first circle to be further segmented into sub-circles or rings. There are three of them—the Outer, Middle, and Inner rings—housing different types of violent criminals. The first are those who were violent against people and property, such as Attila the Hun. Centaurs guard this Outer Ring and shoot its inhabitants with arrows. The Middle Ring consists of those who commit violence against themselves (suicide). These sinners are perpetually eaten by Harpies. The Inner Ring is made up of the blasphemers, or those who are violent against God and nature. One of these sinners is Brunetto Latini, a sodomite, who was Dante’s own mentor. (Dante speaks kindly to him.) The usurers are also here, as are those who blasphemed not just against God but also the gods, such as Capaneus, who blasphemed against Zeus.

Fraud: This circle is distinguished from its predecessors by being made up of those who consciously and willingly commit fraud. Within the eighth circle is another called the Malebolge (“Evil Pockets”), which houses 10 separate bolgias (“ditches”). In these exist types of those who commit fraud:

panderers/seducers; flatterers; simoniacs (those who sell ecclesiastical preferment); sorcerers/astrologers/false prophets; barrators (corrupt politicians); hypocrites; thieves; false counselors/advisers; schismatics (those who separate religions to form new ones); and alchemists/counterfeiters, perjurers, impersonators, etc.

Each bolgia is guarded by different demons, and the inhabitants suffer different punishments, such as the simoniacs, who stand head-first in stone bowls and endure flames upon their feet.

Treachery: The deepest circle of Hell, where Satan resides. As with the last two circles, this one is further divided, into four rounds. The first is Caina, named after the biblical Cain, who murdered his brother. This round is for traitors to family. The second, Antenora—from Antenor of Troy, who betrayed the Greeks—is reserved for political/national traitors. The third is Ptolomaea for Ptolemy, son of Abubus, who is known for inviting Simon Maccabaeus and his sons to dinner and then murdering them. This round is for hosts who betray their guests; they are punished more harshly because of the belief that having guests means entering into a voluntary relationship, and betraying a relationship willingly entered is more despicable than betraying a relationship born into. The fourth round is Judecca, after Judas Iscariot, who betrayed Christ. This round is reserved for traitors to their lords/benefactors/masters. As in the previous circle, the subdivisions each have their own demons and punishments.

Center of Hell

After making their way through all nine circles of Hell, Dante and Virgil reach the center of Hell. Here they meet Satan, who is described as a three-headed beast. Each mouth is busy eating a specific person: the left mouth is eating Brutus, the right is eating Cassius, and the center mouth is eating Judas Iscariot. Brutus and Cassius betrayed and caused the murder of Julius Caesar, while Judas did the same to Christ. These are the ultimate sinners, in Dante’s opinion, as they consciously committed acts of treachery against their lords, who were appointed by God.

- Adam Burgess

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OLD TESTAMENT HISTORY

In the first book of the Bible, Guinness, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and, throughout history, they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

Samson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.

The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached the UK.

Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

King David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

NEW TESTAMENT HISTORY

When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.

St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."

It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.