You ever have the feeling that the “check engine” light is
on in your life but you just keep hoping it’ll go away on its own?
~~~~~
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sunflowers are yellow,
I know you were expecting something sweet and romantic, but
these are just some gardening facts.
~~~~~
“DO WHAT
YOU LOVE AND MONEY WILL FOLLOW”
So I ate
a pizza, drank about a gallon of Crystal Light Raspberry Ice, took a five-hour
nap, and binge-watched the entire last season of “The Walking Dead” in my
underwear.
Now I
wait
~~~~~
The most alarming thing about this clown crisis is that
there could literally be hundreds of them in a single car.
~~~~~
I’ve been hearing how the “heroin problem” is making a
comeback. Really??? C’mon guys, it’s the 21st Century. No one in
this day and age should have a “problem” with women saving people, amirite?
~~~~~
BRITAIN: Brexit was the stupidest, most self-destructive act
a country could undertake
USA: Hold my drink.
~~~~~
So it’s called a food “pyramid,” right? Not a food
“triangle,” which would indicate that there are at least another two sides.
Which means there IS room for all this pasta!
~~~~~
People need to
understand the difference between want and need. For example, I WANT a hot body
but I NEED chicken nuggets.
~~~~~
Happy Thanksgiving, dudes and dudettes. Enjoy your Turkey
Day, and remember, nothin’ says lovin’ like somethin’ from the oven. Unless
it’s a red spandex bodysuit with ostrich feathers, a can of Crisco and some
fur-lined handcuffs.
~~~~~
When I was a kid, I
used to try a lot of sports, without ever excelling in any particular one. Then
I grew up and realized you can actually *buy* trophies. Now I’m good at *everything*.
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