I see what you did there

Something to keep in mind

(via)

Grey or Gray?

Companies tomorrow...

(via)

Illegal Immigrants

This looks like fun, but WAY-Y-Y too much work...

(and, before you get TOO excited, this puppy goes for $1800)

(via)

Put that thing back where it came from or so help me...

I would help, but...

(via)

Tubby Custard

Stuff White People Say After Smoking Weed

Above and Below

(via)

Ladies and Gentlemen, N-Zeed!

And I always thought Aussies were the crazy ones

A person is smart. PEOPLE are dumb.

My favorite quote from Men in Black

This week's Moment of Zen

Found 'em

Brain at 3AM

(Thanks, Tim!)

O-o-o-okay... it all makes sense now...

(via)

How Alcohol Works

(via)

Getting your bearings

These ball bearings are all moving in a straight line.

It's not funny. Just cool

(via)

One day, at War-Mart...

Charlie, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded, and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. 

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. 

"Charlie, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome." 

"Yes, I know boss, and I'm working on it." 

"Well good, you're a team player. That's what I like to hear”. 

“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder”. 

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?" 

The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir”?

(via)

I Am Not a Liberal Snowflake

(Thanks, Gay! MKAP!)

FACTOID FRIDAY

When you and your girl aren't seeing eye to eye

(via)

A perfect example of why I love the Internet

AwwwwwWWWWW!

(full story here)

How to Speak Midwestern

7-Up ad

This certainly caught MY attention.

It looks like she just pooped out a bowling ball

(via)

El Paso (Redux)

(For the background and inspiration for this song, click here)

El Paso

(The Sewage Song)

(With apologies to Marty Robbins)

Out in the west Texas town of El Paso

If you get thirsty, you’ll get a surprise

Water from sewage is treated then served there

What comes out later you’ll not recognize

Climate change drought makes this task necessary

“But it’s fake news” Mr. Trump still contends

I’d love to see him consume this fake water

Then we could watch it spew out from both ends

I must stay close to the lavatory

Clenching my cheeks as I run…

I sit my butt down and ease off the clampdown

The pressure relieves but I’ve gassed everyone.

So I reach for the big roll of TP that should be a-hangin’

To my chagrin there are just three squares left

I do my business the best that I’m able

It’s not enough and I’m feeling bereft.

Just for a moment I stood there in silence

Shocked by the foul, evil stench in the stall

I yanked my pants up and zipped up the zipper

And shot out of there like a big cannonball.

I started cursing this West Texas town

Who made this terrible plan?

The pressure’s increasing, my insides are greasing

It’s like I’m living in rural Sudan.

Just as fast as I could I turned back to that old lavatory

Back through that gross noxious cloud of disgust. 

Back on the toilet I sit there just pushing

Grunting and groaning but still it goes on

It’s been so long since I’ve been in this bathroom

I swear they could smell it in Saskatchewan

I finish up and by hind end I clean

It’s a literal pain in my ass

With each wipe of TP I scream like a banshee

It feels like I’m wiping across broken glass

And at last here’s the last of the clean up

I’m finally finished

I flush and I reach for my trousers below

I pull my jeans up and buckle my belt up

Out of this stall to the fresh air I go.

Four or five steps

Was the farthest I traveled

But the bubble starts forming deep down below

Clamping and clenching I do a 180

My intestines are cursed with a turbulent flow

Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel

My sphincter about to release

I might not make it, though I can’t take it

Please lock me up for disturbing the peace

But I fin-ally reach the bathroom door

And push back inside there

All of the stalls seem to be occupied

Hopping from one foot then back to the other

I don’t care if I look undignified

I feel my insides beginning to rumble

Just then a door opens and I take heart

Back on the toilet I’m able to release

One little pop, but this one’s just a fart.

The Government, according to Star Trek

(via)

THROWBACK THURSDAY - "I want this on the back of my car"

(originally published on March 28, 2013)

(click on it to make it bigger)

It says,

If my blinker is on, it's not me asking for permission

it's me telling you what I'm going to do

'Member this?

Becoming a Parent

(via)

The Effectiveness of Birth Control

(via)

Close...

(Thanks, Jeff!)

What was in that bottle??

(via)

Alternative Cuss Words

(via)

Website Wednesday 19.26

Website Wednesday
a subsidiary ofSkip's House of Chaos
(The 234,453rd Most Interesting Man in the World)
 
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail, 
peeing like a baby on a changing tableinto the brisk digital wind..." 

                 

How come women named Deborah often go by Deb, but never by Bruh?

Top of the heap: I’ll believe it when I see taste it

I knew it! I just *KNEW* it!

NASA reveals images of asteroid that's "like nothing humanity has ever seen"

A Pied Piper Mystery (which happened 735 years ago today)

The World's Ugliest Dog, 2019

The Best Bars in America, 2019

Giant Squid Caught on Camera For the Second Time Ever

Insects inspired by Looney Toons and Classic Horror Film Monsters

Why the Trump Campaign Won't Pay Police Bills

The art of noticing: five ways to experience a city differently

10 Awesome Indiana Jones Facts

Ravelry, the world's biggest yarn craft forum, has announced a new policy

Hilarious Glamor Shots

After You Die...

Easy-to-miss things that will change your life

Assault on Truth

Inside a Texas Building Where the Government is Holding Immigrant Children

How to Be a Better Tourist

Love you, mean it. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. Ciao, bella. 

 - Skip    ಠ_ಠ

 Website Wednesday archives

(If you'd like to subscribe to the Website Wednesday mailing list,

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SHOC-ing - The Investigation: A Search For the Truth in Ten Acts

Actors Reading The Mueller Report

The Investigation was written by Robert Schenkkan, a Pulitzer Prize and Tony Award-winning screenwriter and playwright, and the live cast includes Annette Bening, Kevin Kline, John Lithgow, Frederick Weller, Ben Mckenzie, Michael Shannon, Noah Emmerich, Justin Long, Jason Alexander, Gina Gershon, Wilson Cruz, Joel Grey, Alyssa Milano, Kyra Sedgwick, Alfre Woodard, Piper Perabo, Zachary Quinto, and Aidan Quinn, with additional participation by Sigourney Weaver, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Mark Hamill and more.

M'urca!

Read the whole story here

Bunny Suicides

When my son Jack was about 10, he got a copy of The Book of Bunny Suicides: Little Fluffy Rabbits Who Just Don't Want to Live Any More, a collection of cartoons of white rabbits in their creative attempts to end their lives using a variety of items. 

I know it sounds morbid as hell, but it had him, and his older brother William, and ME, in stitches. Here are a few of 'em...