Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy
next to him,
"Do you
want the winner of the next race?"
Paddy replies
"No tanks, I couldn't keep it,
I've only got a
small garden."
Paddy and Mick found 2 hand grenades
and decided to take them to the police
station.
Mick, "What if one explodes before we can get
there?"
Paddy, “We'll tell a fib and say we only found one!”
Paddy's racing
snail was not winning races anymore
So he decided
to take its shell off to reduce its weight
and make him
more aerodynamic but it didn’t work,
if
anything it made him more sluggish.
Paddy finds a
sandwich with two wires sticking out
of it so he
phones the police and says,
"Bejesas,
I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb.
The operator
asks,
"Is it
tickin?
Paddy says,
"No I tink it's turkey"
I was sitting next to a priest in a pub in Boston
having Irish bean soup and raving about how great it tasted.
Eventually he offered that
“the Irish have a strict rule that this soup have
no more than 239 beans per serving.’
I asked, ”Why the strict rule?”
And in his finest Irish brogue he explained,
“If we added just one more bean it would be too farty.”
Liam asks Paddy for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, “Well, boyo, are ye on foot or in the car?”
Liam replies, “In the car.”
“Well, that’s the quickest way,” says Paddy
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