Statler and Waldorf Quotes

(For the woefully uninformed: Statler and Waldorf were a couple of cantankerous old geezers who originally sat in a balcony seat during The Muppet Show and heckled the show, cast, and guests. And they would invariably find themselves hysterical and burst into laughter following their tirades.)


Waldorf: They aren’t half bad.

Statler: Nope, they’re ALL bad!

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Statler: I wonder if there really is life on another planet.

Waldorf: Why do you care? You don’t have a life on THIS one!

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Waldorf: What’s all the commotion about?

Statler: Waldorf, the bunny ran away!

Waldorf: Well, you know what that makes him…?

BOTH: Smarter than us!

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Statler: Boo!

Waldorf: Boooo!

Statler: That was the worst thing I’ve ever heard!

Waldorf: It was terrible!

Statler: Horrendous!

Waldorf: Well it wasn’t that bad.

Statler: Oh, yeah?

Waldorf: Well, there were parts of it I liked!

Statler: Well, I liked a lot of it.

Waldorf: Yeah, it was GOOD actually.

Statler: It was great!

Waldorf: It was wonderful!

Statler: Yeah, bravo!

Waldorf: More!

Statler: More!

Waldorf: More!

Statler: More!

~~~~~

Waldorf: That was wonderful!

Statler: Bravo!

Waldorf: I loved it!

Statler: That was great!

Waldorf: Well, it was pretty good.

Statler: Well, It wasn't bad.

Waldorf: There were parts that weren't pretty good, though.

Statler: It could've been a lot better.

Waldorf: I didn't really like it.

Statler: It was pretty terrible.

Waldorf: It was bad.

Statler: It was awful!

Statler & Waldorf: Terrible! Eh, boo!

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Statler: Brilliant!

Waldorf: Ah, it was terrible.

Statler: Well, it was good.

Waldorf: Ah, it was very bad.

Statler: Well, it was average.

Waldorf: Ah, it was in the middle there.

Statler: Ah, it wasn't that great.

Waldorf: I kind of liked it.

Statler: It was terrible!

Waldorf: I loved it!

Statler: Get 'em off!

Waldorf: MORE!

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Statler: Well, that was different.

Waldorf: Yep. Lousy...

Both: ...but different!

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Statler: I like the steel Drums!

Waldorf: What?!?

Statler: THE PIGS' STEEL DRUMS!!!

Waldorf: I believe it! They'll take anything that isn't bolted down!

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Statler: Can you sing tenor?

Waldorf: What?

Statler: Can you sing tenor, as in ten or eleven miles away from here?

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S: He was doing okay until he fell off the stage.

W: Wrong. He was doing okay until he came ON the stage!

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Waldorf: You know, the second half of this show reminds me of Aspen.

Statler: Why Aspen?

Waldorf: Cause it's all downhill from here!

~~~~~

Waldorf: You know, the opening is catchy.

Statler: So is smallpox.

~~~~~

Statler: Well, how do you like the film?

Waldorf: I’ve seen detergents leave a better film than this.